blog 56

Blog 56

My best friend is man's best friend, my dog. My dogs' name is Rooney. Rooney is part mastiff, part tiger. Charlie Sheen got his “tiger blood” rendition from my dog, which is bullshit because he hasn't paid her shit for it. Rooney is terrifying. She has eaten several people. She is about 130 pounds and eats whole cows for breakfast. She doesn't live in my house, she lives in a cave on the mountain behind my house. She battled a mountain lion to steal the cave from it. When she defeated it, she ended up skinning it and she now wears a mountain lion coat around. When I take her on a walk, she leads me. She pretty much hates everyone besides my family, which is nice, because if she hated us she would have eaten us. The government of the United States of America pays tribute to Rooney so she won't eat it. Rooney ate Prussia, and the Ottoman Empire. The dinosaurs didn't become extinct because of a meteor, but because Rooney ate them as an appetizer. The Dos Equis most interesting man in the world is only scared of one thing; My dog. Dogs came from wolves, and wolves came from my dog Rooney. There was once a bully in my school. Then Rooney found out about him. No one ever saw the bully again. Amelia Earhart was flying over the Pacific, and then my dog got hungry. My dogs favorite prowling ground is the Bermuda Triangle. Rooney invented fear, but has never felt it. She would go hell because of her crimes, but God is scared of her. My best friend is my dog Rooney.